Ruby Wren’s Legacy: Julie Swann’s Story of Love and Loss

For Julie Swann, the memory of her baby daughter, Ruby Wren Evans, is woven into the fabric of her life. 

It’s been over two years since Ruby passed away, but for Julie and her family, the pain of losing her - a perfect, tiny girl born far too early - remains vivid and profound.

Ruby was born in August 2022, at just 23 weeks, weighing only one-and-a-half pounds. 

Julie, who had a previous healthy pregnancy with her eldest son, was blindsided by the complications that led to early labour. 

“Everything seemed fine at my 20-week scan,” Julie explains. “But then I had some bleeding, and despite countless hospital visits, they couldn’t figure out why. Eventually, my waters broke, and two days later, Ruby was born. She was perfect, but her lungs were just too underdeveloped.”

Ruby lived only a few precious hours, and those moments remain etched in Julie’s mind. 

“It was really, really traumatic. Holding your baby as they pass away in your arms - it tears a piece of your soul apart,” she says. “You don’t just lose a baby; you lose every dream, every milestone you had planned for them.”

The Loneliness of Loss

For Julie and her partner Stuart, the days and weeks after Ruby’s passing were isolating. “People avoided talking about her,” Julie shares. “But I want to talk about her. She’s part of our family, and just because she’s not here doesn’t mean she’s gone.”

Support for bereaved parents was another challenge. “At the time, there was very little emotional support,” she explains. “You’re given a memory box, which is beautiful, but that’s it. You have to go searching for counselling, and even then, it’s often generic grief counselling, which isn’t always suited to baby loss.”

Julie eventually found solace through the charity Teddy’s Wish, which offers free baby-loss counselling, albeit remotely. However, it wasn’t until she discovered Northern Ireland’s White Butterfly Foundation, run by bereaved parent-turned-counsellor Selina Casey, that Julie felt a real connection. 

“Selena offers face-to-face counselling specifically for baby loss, and it’s been life-changing. Having someone who truly understands makes such a difference.”

Keeping Ruby’s Memory Alive

For Julie, honouring Ruby’s memory has become her life’s purpose. She actively fundraises for baby-loss charities, including the White Butterfly Foundation, and organises events to support other grieving parents. Most recently, she hosted a Christmas wreath-making workshop, where bereaved parents could create personalised ornaments in memory of their babies.

“The thing about baby loss is that you never stop being their parent,” Julie explains. “Fundraising and events like this are my way of keeping Ruby’s memory alive. Her short life had meaning, and I want to ensure other parents don’t feel as lost and alone as we did in those early days.”

At Christmas, a time when Ruby’s absence is particularly painful, Julie and her partner donate to baby-loss charities in her name. “It helps bring comfort,” she says. “We should have been buying her presents, but instead, this is how we include her.”

Finding Hope Amid Grief

Julie’s grief journey is ongoing, but she has found strength in the support of other bereaved parents. “I’ve met the most amazing, kind people through this awful experience,” she reflects. “It’s a community nobody wants to join, but the support and understanding are unmatched.

“The most important thing I would say to family or friends supporting someone through baby loss is to remember their baby's birthday. It costs nothing but will mean everything to the parents.”

When asked how Ruby’s loss has shaped her perspective on life, Julie paused. “It changes everything,” she says. “I try to live my life now knowing Ruby didn’t get the chance to. I want to make her proud.”

As the family move into another year without Ruby, Julie is focused on creating joyful memories with her two sons, aged four and one. 

“There’s a void that will always be there,” she admits. “But I’m grateful for the family I have, I couldn’t have got through this without the support from Stuart. In everything we do, Ruby will always be a part of us, guiding us and holding us together.”

*Julie has highlighted several resources she found helpful for anyone who has experienced baby loss:

• Tommy’s: Fund research into miscarriage, stillbirth & premature birth so we can save babies’ lives. www.tommys.org
• Books by Zoe Clark-Coates: A series of compassionate books on pregnancy and baby loss, available online and in some bookshops.
• The Other Mothers Podcast: A heartfelt podcast hosted by three bereaved mums, offering comfort and solidarity.
• The White Butterfly Foundation is dedicated to supporting individuals and families affected by miscarriage, baby loss, and neonatal death in Northern Ireland. You can find it on Facebook (@the.white.butterfly.foundation) and Instagram (@thewhitebutterfly_foundation).
• Teddy’s Wish: A Baby Loss Charity. Funding research into the causes of baby loss. Providing hope for grieving families. www.teddyswish.org
• SANDS: Sands works to support anyone affected by the death of a baby; improve the care bereaved parents receive; and create a world where fewer babies die. www.sands.org.uk